Counselors’ Tips on How to End Haram Relationships

Temptation is all around us, yet one temptation that proves to be formidable is haram relationships.

It is such a growing issue in our Muslim communities that amongst college students in America, 57% of men and 48% of women report engaging in premarital sex.

Our society markets sexuality and relationships outside the context of marriage and family.

Although this might seem acceptable for non-Muslims, it is a grave sin and never permissible for us, Muslims.

Is Love Haram?

Love in itself is not haram. It is a beautiful feeling and a blessing.

It is not haram to find someone attractive or want to spend time getting to know your potential spouse before marriage.

However, we must remember there are halal ways to do this, which ensure neither one of you transgresses the limits set by Allah (the Most Glorified, the Most Exalted).

Ending a haram relationship and staying out of it takes commitment and action.

You might be wondering how you can accomplish this if you are already involved.

So, let’s look at six ways you can begin this process and hold true to it.

1. Cut the Connection Completely

You may be tempted to remain in contact with them under the false belief that it will somehow lessen the initial pain of separation.

It only makes it harder and keeps the temptation in front of you. Imagine if you put drugs in front of a drug addict, it would make the recovery that much harder.

You need to distance yourself from this person, delete all their contact information and block all social media profiles.

Do not engage them in anyway; you are detoxing them from your system.

2. Choose Your Friends Wisely

The social circles you choose to be involved with impact you more than you realize.

If your friends are supportive of haram relationships and frequently engage in activities which are in opposition to the commands of Allah (swt) then you are setting yourself up for failure.

“A man is upon the religion of his friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.”at-Tirmidhi

Surround yourself with righteous friends that will help guide you and bring positivity into your life.

Righteous friends will help you during the healing process after you make the initial step to cut the connection with your haram relationship.

3. Be Honest With Yourself

Ask yourself why you felt the need to get involved in this relationship in the first place.

Were you seeking validation to help your self-esteem? Are you a sister who is having difficulty with your father-daughter relationship and has sought out another male role model in your life? Do you struggle with self-control?

Once you identify why you engaged in these relationships, you are more able to prevent them in the future and grow a deeper understanding of your own self.

As Muslims, we know that haram relationships are a grave sin, therefore to enter into this usually has a reason behind it more than just fun and attraction.

Find that area of your life that is creating this weakness, something is making it more difficult for you to control your desires. This takes introspection and honesty.

4. Positive Coping Skills

This step forward is going to test you, and you will face some difficult moments.

It is important during those tests to have a coping skill that is positive and can keep you on track.

Examples of positive coping skills include journaling, nature walks, painting, listening to Quran or cooking.

Find a positive and rewarding hobby to take your mind off the temptation and keep you involved in something beneficial.

5. Fasting and Duaa

Our Prophet (peace be upon him) told us fasting will assist you in preventing those haram interactions. It makes it easier to control our impulses and keeps us more aware of our faith.

“O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes from casting (evil glances). and preserves one from immorality; but those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting for it is a means of controlling sexual desire.”Muslim

Alongside fasting, making duaa is a strong weapon in the struggle against Shaitan’s influences.

Make duaa daily, asking for the strength and faith to avoid haram relationships.

Ask for guidance and assistance as much as you feel compelled to do so. There is no such thing as making too much duaa.

6. Fine True Love on the Prayer Mat

The purest and most unconditional love is that between you and your creator.

No matter how much you have transgressed, you can always turn back to Allah (swt) and make true repentance.

{So remember Me; I will remember you. And be grateful to Me and do not deny Me. O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.} Quran 2:152-153

Cry your heart out in sujood when it is hard and talk to Allah (swt). Let it all out on your prayer mat and find solace in the embrace of your faith.

Final Thoughts

Engaging in these haram relationships will not help you in the future and can leave scars on your heart, which will impact your future marriage.

Imagine if a sister has her heart broken by someone she was involved with. That emotional scarring may impact how vulnerable she allows herself to be for her future husband.

A brother that frequently engages in fornication may find he has a more difficult time staying faithful to his future wife as he has become accustomed to this lifestyle and Shaitan will undoubtedly remind him of it.

Let that concept sink into your mind for a moment.

These haram relationships can not only hurt the person you claim to care about, they can hurt your future spouse that you haven’t even met yet.

Maintaining a clear heart with consciousness of Allah (swt) will only serve to make you a better spouse one day when you are ready for that step.

If you truly seek love and companionship, do it in a halal way in accordance with the guidance of your creator.

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From the archives.